Breakups, just the word itself can conjure up a wave of emotions – sadness, anger, confusion, maybe even a little relief. Whether you saw it coming from a mile away or it hit you like a ton of bricks, the aftermath of a relationship ending can be a confusing and lonely time. On top of your own jumbled feelings, you’re often bombarded with well-meaning (but often misguided) advice from friends, family, and even society at large.

Let’s be honest, some of the common breakup myths out there are more fiction than fact. They might offer a temporary sense of comfort, but they can ultimately hinder your healing process. So, buckle up, heartbroken warriors, because it’s time to debunk some of those myths and set the record straight on breakups.

Myth #1: You Should Never Be Friends with Your Ex

This age-old advice might seem like a clear-cut rule, but reality is a little more nuanced. While attempting friendship immediately after a breakup is like trying to navigate a minefield barefoot (fresh wounds need serious healing time!), reconnecting with your ex as friends can be a possibility down the line. However, honesty is absolutely crucial. If you decide to explore friendship, have an open and upfront conversation about boundaries and expectations. Can you handle seeing them out with someone new without feeling a pang of jealousy? Are you okay with the occasional social media update about their life (because let’s be honest, we’ve all peeked)?

Here’s the key takeaway: friendship with an ex might look completely different from your other friendships. It could be a slow and gradual process of rebuilding trust and redefining the dynamic. Or, it might not work at all, and that’s perfectly okay! There’s no one-size-fits-all approach here. The most important thing is to prioritize your well-being and listen to your gut feeling. Don’t rush into friendship just because you feel pressured to or because society tells you it’s the “right” thing to do. Take your time, prioritize your healing, and if friendship with your ex feels like a healthy possibility down the road, then explore it with open communication and realistic expectations.

Myth #2: The Initiator Gets Over It Faster

Just because you were the one who pulled the plug on the relationship doesn’t mean you’re immune to heartbreak. Ending a relationship, even when necessary, can be a difficult and emotionally draining experience. Don’t be surprised if waves of sadness or guilt wash over you. The initiator might grieve the loss of the relationship dynamic or the future they envisioned together. They might even question their decision, wondering if things could have worked out differently. Processing the end of a relationship takes time, regardless of who initiated the breakup.

Myth #3: There’s Always One Person to Blame

Breakups are rarely black and white. Often, a culmination of factors contributes to the demise of a relationship. Instead of assigning blame (which can lead to resentment and hinder healing), focus on what you learned from the experience. What could you have communicated better? What are your non-negotiables in a future relationship? Take some time for self-reflection. Consider what went wrong from your perspective, but also acknowledge your partner’s role in the dynamic. Remember, the goal isn’t to point fingers or assign blame, but to use this experience as a chance for personal growth.

Myth #4: Rebound Relationships are the Cure

The allure of a rebound relationship is understandable. You might crave physical intimacy or a distraction from the pain of heartbreak. However, jumping into a new relationship before you’ve processed your ex can be emotionally risky. You might end up using the new person as a crutch, and the relationship itself could be built on shaky ground. Take time to heal and rediscover yourself before diving back into the dating pool. Focus on self-care, spend time with loved ones, and explore your interests. When you’re ready to date again, you’ll be approaching it from a place of self-love and emotional strength, which will lead to healthier connections.

Myth #5: You’ll Only Need X Amount of Time to Get Over Them

There’s no magic formula for healing a broken heart. Everyone grieves differently, and the timeline for moving on varies greatly. Don’t pressure yourself to get over your ex by a specific date set by society or your own expectations. Healing isn’t linear. Some days will feel easier, while others might feel like you’re taking two steps back. Be patient with yourself, allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment, and celebrate the small victories along the way. Maybe you finally went on a first date without comparing your new connection to your ex. Perhaps you spent a whole weekend without checking their social media. These are all steps in the right direction, and they deserve to be acknowledged.

Myth #6: The Relationship Was a Waste of Time if it Didn’t Work Out

Even relationships that end don’t have to be considered failures. Every relationship, good or bad, teaches us something about ourselves, our needs, and what we want in a partner. Take this as a learning experience. What did you value in the relationship? Maybe you learned the importance of open communication or the value of shared interests. What communication styles worked (or didn’t work)? Reflect on how you communicated within the relationship and consider what you might do differently in the future. Remember, breakups can be opportunities for growth. By taking the time to analyze what went wrong, you can set yourself up for healthier and happier relationships down the line.

Myth #7: Social Media Stalking is Okay

We’ve all been there. A late-night scroll through your ex’s social media, hoping to catch a glimpse of their post-breakup life. Here’s the thing: social media is a highlight reel, not reality. People tend to portray a curated version of themselves online, filled with happy moments and exciting adventures. Constantly checking their feed can keep you stuck in the past and hinder your healing. Consider taking a social media break or unfollowing your ex. This might feel uncomfortable initially, but it can create space for you to focus on your own life and emotional well-being. There are plenty of healthy ways to distract yourself – pick up a new hobby, reconnect with friends, or dive into a good book.

Myth #8: You’ll Never Find Love Again

Breakups can leave you feeling cynical about love. But remember, just because one relationship ended doesn’t mean you’re destined to be alone forever. There are plenty of people out there who are compatible with you. Focus on self-love and growth during this time. Invest in yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally. When you prioritize your own well-being, you radiate a newfound confidence that will attract healthy connections. When you’re ready, open yourself up to the possibility of finding love again. Don’t rush into things, but don’t shy away from opportunities to meet new people. The right person will come along when you least expect it, and you’ll be ready to embrace a love that’s healthy, fulfilling, and built on a foundation of self-love.

Finding the Light After the Breakup

Healing from a breakup is a journey, not a destination. Here are some tips to navigate the feels and emerge stronger on the other side:

• Focus on self-care. Breakups can take a toll on your mental and physical well-being. Prioritize activities that nourish your soul. Get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, and don’t be afraid to indulge in a little pampering.
• Lean on your support system. Surround yourself with friends and family who love and support you. Talking about your feelings can be incredibly cathartic. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.
• Explore your passions. Rediscover hobbies you used to love or try something new. Immersing yourself in activities you enjoy can boost your mood and distract you from the pain.
• Practice gratitude. Take time each day to appreciate the good things in your life, big or small. Gratitude can shift your perspective and remind you of your blessings.
• Forgive yourself and your ex. Holding onto anger and resentment will only prolong your suffering. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you made in the relationship, and try to forgive your ex for their role in the breakup.
• Embrace self-reflection. Take time to journal, meditate, or simply reflect on the lessons learned from the relationship. What are your dealbreakers in a future partner? What do you need in a relationship to thrive?
• Celebrate your independence. This is a time to rediscover who you are outside of the relationship. Explore your interests, spend time with loved ones, and embrace your individuality.

Remember, breakups are a normal part of life. They hurt, yes, but they can also be opportunities for growth and self-discovery. By debunking the myths and focusing on self-care and personal growth, you can emerge from this experience stronger, wiser, and more ready for the love that awaits you down the road.

The road to healing isn’t always linear, but with time, self-compassion, and the support of loved ones, you’ll find yourself emerging from the darkness and embracing a brighter future. Remember, breakups don’t define you. They refine you.

Need some help getting over them? Try out the Soma Breakup Journal: